A would-be tourist stunned travel agency staff by asking: -The brochure says no hairdressers in the resort. We are trainee hairdressers; will we be allowed to go there?

Another said: -I believe you need a visa for Egypt - will MasterCard do?

One tourist wrote to complain: I'm never flying to Jamaica with Airtours again. It took us nine hours to get there, but it only took the Americans three hours.

Another holidaymaker complained: I had a wonderful holiday in Kenya but I think I should bring to your Health and Safety Department's attention the fact that the animals were not fenced in.

And a customer told airport check-in staff: Can I have a window seat, please; it's a long journey and I would like some fresh air.

YCNMIU